Saturday, January 15, 2011

Vow of silence

I'm into this thing they called vow of silence.I just saw it in a movie,Little Miss Sunshine. One of the character there decided to not talk because of some personal issue. I really know nothing about it until now. I research about it and google says:

"A vow of silence is a religious vow, usually taken in a monastic context, to maintain silence .

I'm not literally not speaking. I just don't want to talk so much about myself... About my feelings. So we can say that I'm in this SEMI-VOW-OF-SILENCE (since dec.30 err!!)! And it doesn't feel good.

I love talking about myself. I am addicted in acknowledging my emotion. I want to voice my opinion as often as possible. Because it makes me feel good. It's not hard to think if your voice is heard right?

I am a very transparent person. If I don't like you I say it straight into your face but that doesn't mean that I'm a bold person. I talk too much but I talk no nonsense. That's what I am 9 months ago.

But today. I am no longer that person. I was evaluating myself this past few days. I observed that before, I don't have trouble correcting other peoples mistake..
I can do things on my own without anybody's opinion..I see life in black and white!And now,I question every word that's coming out from my lips! I can't even BLOG!

That's whats happening to me right now.
I am afraid to hurt their feelings. I'm too sensitive about what they might feel that I'm neglecting my own emotion.I lost myself!

I believe that if I do not talk about those emotional baggage of mine. Everything will be better. So I took this(semi)Vow of Silence. But things doesn't change. I am writing right now. Does it mean I'm done in this Vow-of-silence? N0! I'm just taking a step in getting out of it. I'm not that ready. I just want to be heard without speaking.

I don't know how to end this.

----------------------------------------->and then there was silence!