Vow of silence

I'm into this thing they called vow of silence.I just saw it in a movie,Little Miss Sunshine. One of the character there decided to not talk because of some personal issue. I really know nothing about it until now. I research about it and google says:

"A vow of silence is a religious vow, usually taken in a monastic context, to maintain silence .

I'm not literally not speaking. I just don't want to talk so much about myself... About my feelings. So we can say that I'm in this SEMI-VOW-OF-SILENCE (since dec.30 err!!)! And it doesn't feel good.

I love talking about myself. I am addicted in acknowledging my emotion. I want to voice my opinion as often as possible. Because it makes me feel good. It's not hard to think if your voice is heard right?

I am a very transparent person. If I don't like you I say it straight into your face but that doesn't mean that I'm a bold person. I talk too much but I talk no nonsense. That's what I am 9 months ago.

But today. I am no longer that person. I was evaluating myself this past few days. I observed that before, I don't have trouble correcting other peoples mistake..I can do things on my own without anybody's opinion..I see life in black and white!And now,I question every word that's coming out from my lips! I can't even BLOG!

That's whats happening to me right now. I am afraid to hurt their feelings. I'm too sensitive about what they might feel that I'm neglecting my own emotion.I lost myself!


I believe that if I do not talk about those emotional baggage of mine. Everything will be better. So I took this(semi)Vow of Silence. But things doesn't change. I am writing right now. Does it mean I'm done in this Vow-of-silence? N0! I'm just taking a step in getting out of it. I'm not that ready. I just want to be heard without speaking.

I don't know how to end this.

----------------------------------------->and then there was silence!